Last week, I shared with you five of ten tips for child safety. This has been a key effort of the church since the 2002, when the US bishops adopted the Charter for the Protection of Children and Young People, in response to clergy sexual abuse of children. Teresa Kettelkamp, executive director of the USCCB Secretariat for Children and Young People, developed the list after reviewing what the Catholic Church has learned in facing clergy sexual abuse problem. Here are the remaining five:

 

Feeling heard leads toward healing. Relief from hurt and anger often comes when one feels heard, when one’s pain and concerns are taken seriously, and a victim/survivor’s appropriate sense of rage and indignation are acknowledged. Not being acknowledged contributes to a victim’s sense of being invisible, unimportant and unworthy, they are in some way “revictimized.”

 

You cannot always predict who will be an abuser. Experience shows that most abuse is at the hands of someone who has gained the trust of a victim/survivor and his/her family. Most abuse also occurs in the family setting. Sometimes the “nicest person in the world” is an abuser, and this “niceness” enables a false sense of trust to be created between abuser and abused

 

There are behavioral warning signs of child abusers. Training and education help adults recognize fellow grooming techniques that are precursors to abuse.  Some abusers isolate a potential victim by giving him or her undue attention or lavish gifts. Another common grooming technique is to allow young people to participate in activities which their parents or guardians would not approve, such as watching pornography, drinking alcohol, using drugs, and excessive touching, which includes wrestling and tickling.  It is also critical to be wary of age-inappropriate relationships, seen, for example, in the adult who is more comfortable with children than adults. Parishes can set up rules to guide interaction between adults and children.

 

People can be taught to identify grooming behavior. – which are the actions which abusers take to project the image that they are kind, generous, caring people, while their intent is to lure a minor into an inappropriate relationship. An abuser may develop a relationship with the family to increase his credibility. Abusers might show attention to the child by talking to him/her, being friendly, sharing alcohol with a minor and giving the child “status” by insinuating that the child is their favorite or “special person.” Offenders can be patient and may “groom” their victim, his or her family, or community for years.

 

Background checks work. Background checks in churches, schools and other organization keep predators away from children both because they scare off some predators and because they uncover past actions which should ban an adult from working or volunteering with children. If an adult has had difficulty with some boundaries that society sets, such as not driving while intoxicated or not disturbing the public peace, he or she may have difficulties with other boundaries, such as not hurting a child. Never forget that offenders lie.

 

Peace,